Peeps Cereal
Jesus Christ.

Let's get one thing clear here, okay -- Peeps suck. I'm a Peeps hater. They've always sucked. It's one of the only seasonal snacks I can think of that require you to do some wacky shit in order to make them even a little edible. Like you gotta fucking leave them out in the sun for 2 hours or freeze them for 428 days or microwave them on medium for 7 hours or pour some shit all over them. They are way too sugary and taste like pool noodles. My dad loves Peeps, so any time I got them from a relative I'd give them to him. I don't remember if he did any wackadoo shit in order to eat them. I always turned my head away when he opened them so I didn't see the sin he was about to commit. They have the loudest fucking plastic wrapping for any food on the planet. Ear piecing. You can hear someone open a thing of Peeps from 4 blocks away. "Easter came early, Jimmy from down the road is opening Peeps he bought from Happy Harry's".

That's the thing, too. It's just an Easter thing. So not only are you trying to stomach even thinking about these bloated, unappetizing marshmallows, you are also surrounded with some of the least interesting discourse about a fucking holiday on the planet. Like someone's always got something to fucking say about Easter. Big hot take from the guy you followed on Twitter because you met him at a con 6 years ago. "Had to hear a family talk about Jesus on the bus. I simply cannot with the religious bunny day today." Then he immediately retweets some League of Legends character with the biggest wolf knot you've ever seen in your entire life. But like he has a point, right? Like Easter is a religious holiday, so even if you aren't completely blinded by Internet Blogging Cynicism you still have to deal with the tug-of-war of religion vibes vs. weird stuffed rabbits everywhere you go. It's all just so fucking exhausting. And on top of all of that the candy sucks! Fuck Peeps!!!

The cereal is bad. It consists of multi-colored O-shaped cereal flakes and some Peeps shaped marshmallows. I think this is something they sell year round, but they have, like, regular shaped white marshmallows instead. This time they have marshmallows shaped like the little bird and the bunny rabbit, but the marshmallows are way too small and don't really hold well with the milk because of it. On top of that, the cereal itself also tastes like nothing. It actually reminded me of a previous cereal Kellogg's put out called Together with Pride which was their Pride Month cereal. It tastes like cat food. This is the same company that makes Froot Loops and Lucky Charms so I have no fucking idea what happened here. Fuck Peeps.

1/5